George Lucas
(1999)

Let me start out, Mr. Lucas, by saying it's an honor to meet you. I'm a big Sci-Fi fan.

GL: Oh really, have you seen The Phantom Menace?

No, not yet.

GL: Well, then you're not much of a fan then, are you?.

I think I'll wait until it comes out on video. To be honest, I actually prefer Star Trek over Star Wars.

GL: In that case you're not a Sci-Fi fan. To be honest buddy, you are a fan of crap.

Do you think your work is that much better than Star Trek?

GL: I don't think it. I know it. Have you actually seen the special effects on that old show? What a joke. That show is strictly low class. I spend more money on one minute of my movies than they'd do on an entire episode. It's not even in my league.

While it's true that the original Star Trek series was low budget. You have to admit that it had intriguing storylines.

GL: I don't have to admit to anything. Match up the ticket sales with my Trilogy with any three of their movies. It's no contest. I can outsell anything they have to offer.

OK, so you make big blockbuster movies. What is the secret to your success?

GL: There's no secret. I have talent and I have money. The Phantom Menace is probably the most expensive movie made to this date. I have a staff of animators. I have tons of equipment. I have the greatest special effects in the world. All together they make my movies the best thing you'll ever see in a theatre.

So if you just rely on your money, staff and equipment, there's not much talent necessary?

GL: What the hell are you talking about? I'm the greatest movie producer of all time!

Hypothetically, if I had your money, staff and equipment, I could make the same movies you make. It doesn't take a lot of talent to spend millions of dollars just to make sure Yoda sounds like Grover. I mean isn't there more to Science Fiction than just fancy special effects?

GL: Listen jackass, when you make the biggest grossing movie of all time, come talk to me. Until then, don't waste my time!

Did you just fart?

GL: No.

Are you sure?

GL: Of course, I'm sure!

Maybe it was just one of those million dollar special effects.

GL: I guess so.

There's been quite a layoff between Return of the Jedi and The Phantom Menace. What other successful movies have you done outside of the Star Wars series?

GL: I made EuroStarWars in France.

Why do you think Mark Hammil isn't that popular anymore?

GL: Mark Hammil is a hack. He was nothing before Star Wars and he's nothing now. Everything good that's ever happened to Mark, he owes to me. Same goes for Alec Guiness and Harrison Ford.

Why did you kill off Boba Fett in Return of the Jedi? I cried when he died.

GL: You're insane.

Speaking of insanity, how much did you spend on making Jabba the Hut? What was the actual procedure in making him so lifelike?

GL: We spent about $1.8 million on Jabba himself. It involved pouring three tons of gelatin on the floor, covering it up with 100 square yards of greenish-brownish tarp and spreading two tons of Vaseline all over it. We cut holes in the tarp for his mouth and nose. We used bowling balls for his eyes. As for his entourage, we spent about $500,000 at ToysRUS to get some puppets. Kind of like state-of-the-art Lamb Chop.

Is C3PO gay?

GL: I can't comment on that based on Star Wars "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

Those are all the questions I had. Is there anything else you'd like to say?

GL: Yeah. To everyone and especially all the Sci-Fi geeks out there, go spend your money to see The Phantom Menace. And once you've seen it, pay to see it again. It's the best movie you'll ever see. Buy all the merchandise too.