For those of you that are unfamiliar with the term, "FAQ" stands for Frequently Asked Questions. Hence, this page includes questions that I am asked frequently. Some may find this page informative and enlightening, while others may find it disturbing. Either way, it is not my place to judge.
How are you?
I am fine.
How was your weekend?
It was OK.
Do you have any big plans this upcoming weekend?
Not really.
Could you help me lift this?
I'm actually busy right now.
Is that a wig that you are wearing?
No, this is my real hair.
Paper or Plastic?
Plastic. (note: deep down I really want
paper.)
What would you do for a Klondike Bar?
Pay $1.00. No more, no less.
Would you like to super size that?
No.
Why are you so irritable?
I'm not irritable. You are irritating.
Where is the nearest gas station?
Just down the road at the
light.
What is that peculiar smell?
I don't smell anything.
When does the 21st Century begin?
January 1, 2001
Why are you kicking me?
I need the exercise.
Who (the hell) do you think you are?
Moses. Plato. Beethoven. Cezanne. I am
all of those men . . . . and more.
What is the meaning of life?
I've been ordered not to disclose that
information. (But if you really want to know, click here.)
Other Site-Related Questions
What (the hell) is this site all about?
Decide for yourself.
Where are all the annoying banners and pop-up windows I'm accustomed to?
If you really need your
fix of commercial Web content, try these:
Nike
| Tommy |
Elmo
| Windows Explorer
| Error
How many are there in the Underground?
Sorry, I can't say. That's proprietary
information.
Since it's Underground, does that mean you look like gophers or what?
GOPHERS . . . oh my, that's very clever. . . .you should be on morning radio.
Although I cannot disclose my own identity, here are some pictures of my most valued colleagues:
Vice
President - Tactical Operations | Recruiting/Marketing
Director | International
Leader | Financial
Manager | Governmental
Liaisons | Technical
Staff
How can I contact the Underground?
One option is telepathy. Another method requires yelling "HEY, UNDERGROUND!!!!" repetitively. You could also try digging a lot.
But there is a more effective way of communicating. It is called e-mail. I'm not sure how it works, but I'm told the address is:
variable@mail.com
You can also make an entry into the Underground Visitor Log
